Skip to main content

Un-fair and lovely.

   Its my 17th birthday today. I did not want to celebrate, but Baba wanted to. I know, he wanted to put a smile on my face.  And, secondly, who would come for the party? You need 'friends' for that. So, I pleaded with Baba to drop the 'party' idea, which he thankfully did! Thank God for small mercies! Baba gifted me this diary "with 'whom' I am supposed to share my innermost thoughts and feelings." I wish he could bring back Ma instead.


College can be quite an ordeal. Ask me. All those taunts, those catcalls and those stares. Why do I have to go to college? I can very well do a correspondence course. But, Baba will hear none of it. He will never understand me and Ma will never be here to understand me. It can't get any worse than this, can it? One guy called me, "Blacky"! I wish I were born in an African family. Life would have been easier!  Ha ha... joke of the day!


I made a friend. Finally! Shweta, the fair beauty. Irony, thy name is life!!
But, she is sweet and has a very good sense of humour and she too likes giving pet names to her people. So, I named her 'Milk Chocolate' and she named me 'Dark Chocolate'! I like it. And I love dark chocolates. So, the name is good. Sweet, actually!


The way the guys stare at us. I mean, they stare at us, but they look at Shweta. Anybody would. She is really beautiful. I wish I had taken after Ma. Then I too would have been........Sorry, Baba, no offence meant.


Our college celebrated 'Rose Day' today. I did not receive a single rose: not that I expected to. But, If Ma had been here, she would have sent me an entire bouquet!
Miss you, Ma. What am I going to do without you? And I am only 17. You should have taken your puppy along with you, na? Your pup's all lost, Ma......totally lost.


Shweta met a guy- a nice guy...handsome and witty. I am really very happy for her. I wish I had been better looking. I too would have had a ......

Just finished using the nth tube of that damned 'Fair and Lovely'. And after using it for all these days, I am neither fair, nor lovely. Ha ha!! What a joke!!


Swati got married. My first cousin and the first in line of a bevy of beauties in our family, excluding me, of course. I know, they call me UD- the Ugly Duckling. Asha aunty wonders who will marry me. I wonder if anyone will even look at me. Except Ma, of course, from up there.
 Miss you, Ma. Miss you so much!


I secured the highest marks in my exams!!! Baba is.....well, he is happy, or so I feel, (Ma would have been over the moon!) My professors are happy too. But, good marks, or should I say, academic excellence needs the company of good looks to get a girl in people's good books! Wow! A budding writer?! But, who cares?


Everything was so uncomplicated when I was a kid. Skin colour was an alien concept. And life was so beautiful.....full of fun and games. And all of a sudden, I grew up and now life is so lonely, Ma. Shweta is busy with her boy friend. The only friend I had. ..and she is now busy with better things. Baba is busy too...trying to bury himself in his work so that he can forget his sorrows. Does he blame me for your death, Ma? You left us on my birthday, na? I really don't understand. And, you aren't here to make me understand. The house is so empty: I can hear my heartbeat.
Feel very lonely, Ma. Very lonely. What should I do? I wish I could join you. There is really nothing to look forward to, Ma. I really want to join you, Ma....please.....


Its 15th August today.  India gained her freedom on this day.
When will I?




  1. Well written Shilpa. Why don't you send it to Femina


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You are The Man!

I admit, I am late in discussing this event, but did you watch the controversial 'Koffee with Karan' episode, two weeks ago? The one where the ubertalented Kangana Ranaut and Saif Ali Khan were Karan Johar's guests on his famous couch, sipping coffee along with him? Did you notice Kangana's confidence and her sassiness?   Do you remember her repartees, her jibes, her ripostes that were well-aimed at Mr. Johar? How fearlessly she spoke her mind without mincing words! And, she was in conversation with one of the Big Daddies of Bollywood.

I confess, I am an admirer of Ms. Ranaut, and I was blown away by her candour. The fact that she gave two hoots about diplomacy, and about the men in power in the hindi film industry,  shows how self-assured she is. She wasn't born into the industry, with a silver spoon; she entered the industry as an "outsider", who, despite being written off by the industry bigwigs, worked her way up the very competitive ladder, right to…

How I wish I could turn back the clock!

"Youth comes but once in a life time!"

             Traversing through  life, how often do we look back wistfully at our past and wish we could go back, wish we could live it all over again, just one more time?   Each time we witness the young around us enjoying life, enjoying their freedom and pursuing dreams with an enviable vigour, how we wish we could swap places! Sigh.

             A few days ago, I happened to have a chat with a 23 year old cousin. Excited about her future and the plans she had chalked out for herself, she had quite a lot to share with me. The sparkle in her eyes and the enthusiasm in her voice spoke a lot about how eager she was to embark upon the path she had chosen! Her enthusiasm was, indeed, contagious, for it left me yearning to turn the clock back and re-enter that age I left behind almost 2 decades ago.

          Were I to find Aladdin's lamp, I would ask the Genie to transport me back to the past I so wish…

The motherhood challenge.

A  few days ago, a dear friend of mine wrote a touching post disapproving the 'motherhood challenge' that has been going viral on Facebook. Motherhood challenge is all about women posting pictures with their children and tagging other women, who according to them, are 'awesome mothers'. But, my friend felt that by adding the words challenge and dare,  they were drawing a divide between themselves and others who weren't blessed enough.  I was touched by her views that defended women who might feel marginalised by such a challenge, although that might not be the motive behind it at all.
          Wonder how many women would feel the way my friend did! How many of the 'blessed ones' try and understand that behind such decisions might lie a reason, a helplessness that gives a woman endless pain? We haven't chosen to stay childless because of a lack of fondness for children. There were reasons and circumstances that stood in the way of us holdin…