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Five sentence fiction... The long wait..

This week's word: WISHES.


   Mihika's day began and ended with her waiting for Manjeet's phone call, and now her patience was wearing thin.  Oh, how she longed to hear his voice!  That one phone call would decide whether she could celebrate her life or mourn over it.  It had taken every ounce of Mihika's mental strength and pleading with Manjeet to make the life altering decision.  5 hours....5 hours was what it had taken them to chop her husband's body into pieces and pack them, ready for disposal...a job Manjeet had gone to complete 6 days ago.

Comments

  1. Was Manjeet the hunted one?What a witch Mihika is!
    With your gory plot you have managed to shock us in the end.
    Good piece of writing where you hv played with the emotions.

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  2. Thank you, Kalpana! It is my first Five sentence fiction.....! HAd to really think something out of the box!!

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  3. I really liked it that was somethingg veryy different :-( great job done
    Do sometimes drop by my place as well
    Www.doomedwriters.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Juhi! It was my first attempt at Five Sentence Fiction..and it was fun!
      Will surely drop by at your place soon!!

      Delete
  4. Twists in tales! All through the story different ending kept crossing my head, but never this.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading and enjoying my post, Soumyaa!

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  5. I wasnt expecting such a huge twist in the end!! well now ehatever happens to manjit, it serves right to Mihika, owing to what she did! nicely penned shilpa :)

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  6. Oh that was chilling! Brutal end to the man. Wonder what he did to deserve it!

    Shailaja/The Moving Quill

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Shailaja!
      His wife didn't love him was his mistake!

      Delete
  7. Gosh! Now Manjeet is also 'lost'. Serves her right...
    What a twist, Shilpa :)

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  8. Nice twist at the end :)

    You might have benefited by using a simpler to pronounce name for your protagonist.
    Maybe you could have broken up the last sentence. It's very important, but it's also too complicated to understand on the first go. Sentence 2 and 3 could maybe have been joined instead.

    Great story nonetheless :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Pawan! I did think of changing Mihika's name but didn't get around to actually doing it! Will keep it in mind next time......simpler names!

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    2. Complex names only if you want to draw attention to the name. :)

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  9. wow...awesome one actually :) I was totally taken aback at the end . It's truely out of the box :)

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  10. Thank you for reading my post, Sushree!

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  11. That twist ... never expected it ... brilliant :-)

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