I read 'A letter to my ageing dog' by Carol Graham, a fellow blogger, and I was inspired to write a similar one myself! These are my feelings for my 'son' that I have poured out in this letter. I hope he understands and doesn't let out a yawn after going through it! Yes, mommy can be quite boring at times!
As you lie here, enjoying your afternoon nap, I sit wondering where to start from. You see, I don't want to write a long drawn, yawn-inducing letter and get that "mom, stop being so serious! Didn't you learn anything from me?" kind of look from you. So, I will try and make it short and sweet. If not short, it will definitely be sweet!
You are 10 years old, do you know that? I know, numbers don't matter to you. You still are the hyper active kid you were 10 years ago! But, you have mellowed down a lot with age. Till the last year or so, your energy levels were pretty impressive, but, there too, you have shown a drastic change. And, I know, your age is not to blame. It is your painful joints that have been hampering your boisterous nature.
Not long ago, you would bark your head off and jump all over the house to get me to take you for your walks. But, since quite some time now, you seem least enthusiastic about going out. Although, since you met your new friend, Shourya, you do show some interest. But, you also need a lot of coaxing, don't you? And, that is the time, when I have to coax you for a walk, that I get scared and worried. Worried about you, your future. When you tire after a short walk and you begin to limp, my heart skips quite a few beats. When you pant and find the first opportunity to sit down, it makes me feel so helpless. And, when you find it difficult to climb the bed and I have to help you with it, I pray God to make those medicines work some miracle on you so that you will be back to being your active self.
But, sweetheart, it is your tough spirit that makes me wonder why I can't be like you! Every time the bell rings, you HAVE to jump off the bed and rush to see who is at the door. Is it dad? you wonder. Where do you get all that strength from, darling? When dad suggests to me that we take you out by car, how your ears just prick! And then the chaos, the commotion that follows....You do bring the house down, don't you? But, it sure is a lovely sight just to see you at your hyper active best like from your childhood days!
I still remember the time when you had been detected with pneumonia. Boy! What a fighter you were! You came out of it only because of your never-say-die attitude. And the time when you came home from the pet resort with a maggot-infested wound. That was the worst. But, what a brave boy you were! Your vet, too, was surprised at the strength you displayed when he had to get those worms out with the forceps. You sat rock steady on his table making it easy for him to work on you. The ver was so relieved because you were so unlike other dogs who cause total chaos when in a similar situation. I was ( and still am ) so proud of you, my baby! I so wish I could be as strong as you.
Now, as the days pass by, I know you will be slowing down by the day. You might not find outdoor activities or your car rides as exciting because of the discomfort caused by your aching joints. And, you know baby, when mom thinks about those days in the future, she gets all teary eyed, as she is right now. The keyboard is all blurred because the tears just won't stop. Chikoo, I am scared, baby. So scared. I just don't want the days to pass. And you know why? Because you are all I have. You have been my child, my baby since the moment you stepped into our lives. I have been able to feel like a mother only because of you. It is only because of you that I have been able to bring out those maternal instincts which I had buried deep inside. And, it is only with you that I can be myself. Without the fear of being judged.
Look, lets make a deal, okay? Mom has done so much for you. Now, it's time you did something for mom. Don't leave me. Ever. That's all. Just stay with me, will you? Can you?
That's all, Chiks. I can't go further. It's raining very badly. And I don't want to wake you up and get you all anxious and nervous. I have done that a lot, haven't I?
Love you, my sweetheart. Love you the most. Remember our deal. Be there with me, for me. You don't know how much I need you.
Love and hugs,