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Just let it go.

               A few days ago,  I read an interesting story by an anonymous writer. It was in Marathi, titled, 'Barnitley Kaju' (The cashew jar). The story is about how the writer stumbled upon an old storybook while rummaging through her cupboard.  The book carried a cute little tale about a  boy and his fondness for cashews and how the tale taught the writer a lesson for  life.

             The little boy loved cashews, so one day he got hold of the cashew jar, dipped his hand in it, and took a fistful of cashews, but, alas, his hand got stuck! Panic-stricken, the poor fellow tried moving his hand this way and that, but to no avail. The mouth of the jar wasn't big enough for him to free his hand that now held the cashews. His grandmother, who was watching the entire scene unfold, suggested he let go of the cashews - that would help him out. Trusting his granny, the boy let go of the nuts and lo, he could easily free his hand! His face brightened up instantly!

         The writer was prompted to draw an analogy between that tale and our life. She realised how, like the little boy, we hold on to our sorrow, anger, jealousy, envy all our life and get stuck in those bitter moments from our past. But, if we were to let go of all the bitterness, all the anger, life would be so happy!

       Really, isn't it that simple a thing? To let it go!  But for us, it's the toughest thing to do!  It's a task we would rather not undertake! We hold on to the wounds inflicted on us by our dear ones, we hold on to the anger and the bitterness and  nurture it all as if  our life depended on it. We allow it to haunt us night and day, gnaw at our insides, till one day it perishes everything - our joy, our peace of mind, our relationships.

      I often wonder why we do it? This fostering of negative emotions of anger and envy and hatred -   not for a moment do we stop to reflect upon the futility of it all! It's not just the others who torture us with words and deeds, we do it, too, don't we? Do we consider how their feelings take a beating when we hurl spiteful words at them? We often get forgiven, you know? But, do we forgive others? Hmm, now that's a question quite tough to answer. Our fragile egos need to be cared for first!

    You know, it's a misconception that if we were to forgive, we would be the weaker ones. On the contrary, if we were to forgive, we would be stronger. Strong enough to understand that everyone makes mistakes, and it's best to forgive and forget. Relationships are at stake, you know? Shouldn't we be treasuring relationships more than our stupid egos? What good are those egos, anyway? But, relationships - ah,  now those are the ones that give us our identities, bring us joy and help us through this difficult journey called life!

   And, life is short. And, uncertain. Will those grudges we hold,  make any sense after our people are dead and gone? It would be futile  repenting for the precious time wasted on senseless arguments
that we had, for reasons that don't even hold any weight, anymore? Words spoken in the heat of the moment are to be forgotten once the moment passes by. Move on, let go. The world hasn't come to an end!

     It isn't easy, I know. But, whoever said life's  a bed of roses? So, just pick up the phone, call up your dear ones, clear up any misunderstanding and resolve old matters! More often than not, it is lack of communication that's the root cause of it all. Let go of the resentment and the hatred and embrace everyone with a loving heart. Remember, we will be receiving that much love in return! Oft-heard words, eh? Well, oft-seen conflicts, too!
    But, really, it's all worth it. Just try it out. You will be overwhelmed by the love and the happiness  you get at the end of it all!


  1. Lovely lesson this morning. I agree to what you say - forgiveness is not weakness and communication is the key to nurture relationships.

    1. Thank you Parul!
      Yes, it does help us nurture relationships that so matter to us! :)

  2. I also realized the power of forgiveness much later in life. You are right letting go though quite difficult is the only way forward. The more we hold on to grudges, the more they fester and deteriorate.

    1. True, Rachna. It is always better to forgive, forget and move on. What's happened, has happened. It wasn't in anybody's control. But, it is definitely in our control how we react to it.

  3. Perhaps part of the reason why we can't let go of even the most self-destructive negative feelings of anger, hurt, pain etc is because of some deep-seated fear. Fear of losing a part of our identity (even though it is a negative identity) - who will I be or what will I do if I let go of this emotion or feeling about this or that person? It is a pity really that we can't let go of this relational image of ourselves - me in relation to some other person. Whereas the ideal should be to construct a positive identity of myself - first and foremost, in relation to myself! But something in us isn't generally ready to work on this positive identity formation, so we keep on seeing ourselves through the lens of our relations with others - even if they are negative and destructive relations, and keep holding on to all sorts of self-destructive emotions about them. Thank you for reminding that only pain and sadness lies at the end of this journey, so we better start changing our course!

    1. You put it across so well, Beloo! Constructing a positive identity of ourselves will definitely help us see sense in letting go of grudges and move ahead without the unnecessary burden of all that negativity!

  4. It's never that simple though, is it, Shilpa? But yes, often pondering over it makes it worse. I don't think forgiveness is weakness - if I genuinely believe the person, I Will give them a few chances. But when they continue to repeatedly strain the relations, well, I often let go.

    1. No, Sid, it isn't easy. And, if the person's behaviour is straining the relationship, then it's better to just let them go and move on. But, at times, it helps, forgiving things and making peace with the past. For our sakes.

  5. Shilpa, certain relationships are just not meant to be. I have noticed that I do forgive and let go within my heart. But am seldom able to bond again with them. I realize sometimes its best to let go of certain relationships, instead of stressing over it.

    1. I agree. That's why it's better to forgive and forget and move on, instead of keeping it all in our minds and allowing it to ruin our peace of mind. I have seen some people do just that. Wonder why they don't forget it all once and for all!

  6. That sure is a great lesson to be learnt. If only it's easier to leave the moments in the past and stay in present and if only it's easier for people to understand!


  7. This is the toughest bit of all - the letting go. Despite knowing and understanding how important it is for my own peace of mind I find it hard to let go. I need to try yoga or some form of meditation maybe.


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