Skip to main content

Back to blogging.



 The days, they pass by in the blink of an eye. Life changes in the blink of an eye; people move away - some part with us for reasons unknown, and some part with us in keeping with the fundamentals of the universe. Death snatches from us our beloved people, leaving us to mourn and strive to fill up the void their departure creates. It's tough, this thing called life. 

 We  grieve for the ones who loved and left and then slowly begin living a life without them around. We assure ourselves we will get over it all - the sorrow, not the person lost - but, alas, we don't. We only get used to looking at our world differently. We adapt ourselves to the glaring absence of that one soul around whom our world once revolved.

 We cry our hearts out remembering the minutest details of their last moments with us. But then, after the tears have all dried up, there comes this phase when everything feels strange. The deafening silence in the house, the sudden change in our everyday lives, the words that used to be on our lips every minute but which now stop short on realising that the person they were meant for isn't around anymore.  Everything feels unnatural. And, that's when we learn the gory reality of life: nothing is constant.. change is constant.

 It's a week today since Chikoo's passing. The initial two days were scary. Hubby and I  dreaded staying at home - it felt so quiet, so...alien. I would get panicky by the mere thought of returning home each time we stepped out. But, I know Chikoo would never have approved of this sissiness.  So, I have been keeping myself occupied to a great extent.  And, funny though it may sound, but I carry Chikoo's photo frame everywhere I go - to the bedroom at night, or place it on the dining table in such a way that he is in my line of vision whenever I peep out of the kitchen. I need this solace till the time  my heart grows accustomed to that achy feeling we experience when we lose our most precious possession.

My mind often wanders to the times when my boy would drive me crazy with his incessant barking, and his arguments and counter-questions. Yes, he did that! His bark would tell me if he was complaining, arguing or throwing a tantrum. Then, I would really lose my mind, but now, when I reminisce about those moments, I smile. Thankfully, for Chikoo, there aren't any more waterworks! He lived a wonderful life and, like everything else in this world, his heart had to cease beating, too,  someday. Accepting such facts of life makes living easier, isn't it? Well, sort of.

 Today's post is my first in a really long time. Earlier, when he was too ill, I did not have the heart to type a word. Then, since a week now, I have been having a tug-of-war with myself - to write or not to write. Finally, I decided to write this post to celebrate the gentle soul, who was my son.  There isn't much about him here. But, my future posts  will have Chikoo featuring in his own special way. Hopefully, this will awaken the writing bug in me and propel me to achieve what I have been dreaming of since a long time, now.

 This morning, during my heart to heart chat with Chikoo, I pleaded with him to send me a sign that he was there, somewhere, around me. I think the fact, that after a lot of debating with myself I wrote this post, is a sign that he is very much there, by my side, watching over me with his big, brown eyes, like he always did!







Comments

  1. Big big hugs, my dear.I know how hard this must have been for you to write and I appreciate the candour that's gone into it. Chikoo must be smiling, seeing his photo everywhere around you. You're so right that the pain doesn't disappear but just becomes a dull ache that never leaves. It subsides but doesn't go away. That's grief. Sending you lots of bear hugs again and write. Please do write. It heals like nothing else can, for us writers. I've written through my grief and it was the best therapy ever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Shy, I am trying to get back to writing, but it's an effort. At times, I feel like pouring my heart out, and just when I bring out the laptop, I feel like putting it away!
      Thank you for the hugs, sweetie! They are so needed right now! <3

      Delete
  2. Thinking of you and sending a big hug across miles through cyber space. What a lonely time without your boy. Even though we know nothing and no one is permanent in our lives, it still doesn't make that parting any easier. I'm glad you were able to write about it today It really does help with the grieving and adapting to life without them process. Writing is so therapeutic that way. I even used it this morning as I was feeling sorry for myself that no one reads the blog and wrote about that. Then I deleted it. Got it out of my system. Writing is great for that and I will keep doing it even if no one reads it. It gives me peace and joy. Hope it does for you, too. Remembering your sweet Chikoo and that's good you will want to write your memories of him in the weeks to come. Take care, Dear Friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Cat, writing is indeed therapeutic. Only, I need to find the will to do it!
      Thank you so much for the hugs, my dearie! <3

      Delete
  3. Hugs, dearie. <3 Losing the one you love so dearly is never easy, but accepting this becomes easier when we come to terms with the fact that this is the reality of our lives on this planet. The only thing that we can do is live this time as best as we can, and create memories that will last us this lifetime. I know you have many of these memories with Chickoo, so keep them close for comfort, and trust in the fact that the ones we love are never truly away, they are very much a part of ourselves, and are always watching over us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Life and its realities are so tough to accept, Shantala! But, there's really nothing we can do except accept it all and grin and bear!

      Delete
  4. This is such a beautiful post, Shilpa! And I am so happy you went ahead with your decision and wrote this post! Sometimes, writing is all we need to feel good. And I am sure, Chickoo must be happy that his mommy wrote something today! Taking his picture to keep in sight is really adorable. Big hugs to you, girl!

    Cheers
    BoisterousBee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am trying my best to live this new phase of my life without Chikoo, Geetika! :)
      Thank you so much! <3

      Delete
  5. It must be so tough on you, Shilpa. And I appreciate the grace and courage with which you are handling Chikoo's passing. The grief will be there but the memories will last you a lifetime. Who can replace our furry friends? They are the best. No human being can ever come closer. I am sure, he is following you everywhere and will always envelop you in his love, hug and woofs. Lots of love. Keep writing and sharing the beautiful memories.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Rachna....our fur babies are the very best, and no one can ever replace them!
      Your last line, "I am sure he is following you everywhere .." brought tears to my eyes, sweetie! Thank you for that sweetness! <3

      Delete
  6. I can only try to imagine how hard this post must have been for you. People we love never really leave us. He will always live on in your heart and through your writing, in ours. Sending you warm hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Tulika!
      Yes, he will forever be alive in my heart! <3

      Delete
  7. I have no words....tears just flowing down my cheeks...keep writing girl...not only as a befitting homage to your son, but also to set yourself free...eventually...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's just what I am trying to do these days, Smruti...Writing, to keep him in my thoughts, and to free myself, at the same time..
      Thank you sweetie!

      Delete
  8. Sorry for your loss. I am sure he is always with you in the heart. It's true how a death can make us stop and life become harder. It's not easy to lose someone dear to us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Life does become so hard when the love of your life is no more...Chikoo was not just a dog, he was my son, and now his death has left me quite lonely. But, that's the rule of this world, isn't it?
      Thank you so much, Vishal!

      Delete
  9. Big hugs Shilpa and so sorry for your loss. It must be a huge void in your lives. Mr Imperfect lost his dog of 17 years on the 30th of December last year...he too carries Oscar's photo with him and also his collar. Pets are family. Period. I hope Chikoo is free of any pain and continues to watch over you both. Much love xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pets are definitely family...a close family member no one can think of replacing,ever!
      All I am happy about is, that Chikoo is no longer in pain, and is at peace whereever he is!
      Thank you so much, sweetie!

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On love and attachments.

Learning to live without the person whom we loved more than our life is one of the toughest things we humans experience during our life.
Almost every moment of our day we spend in their shadows, enveloped in their love; we don't even realise when they became an extension of our selves. We come to accept them along with their flaws, their peculiarities, which often have the potential to drain us of our patience. Yet, we love them, unconditionally, at times wondering how we survived before they entered our world. Often, we also wonder how we will ever survive after they leave our world.

The human mind is such.  Its ability to give birth to a thought and then mull over it however unpleasant it may be, is quite baffling! We realise we stand to lose our sanity if we don't get rid of that negative thought; we understand how important it is to live in the moment and enjoy it with the loved ones we fear losing someday, yet we keep worrying ourselves to death about what would happen t…

You are The Man!

I admit, I am late in discussing this event, but did you watch the controversial 'Koffee with Karan' episode, two weeks ago? The one where the ubertalented Kangana Ranaut and Saif Ali Khan were Karan Johar's guests on his famous couch, sipping coffee along with him? Did you notice Kangana's confidence and her sassiness?   Do you remember her repartees, her jibes, her ripostes that were well-aimed at Mr. Johar? How fearlessly she spoke her mind without mincing words! And, she was in conversation with one of the Big Daddies of Bollywood.

I confess, I am an admirer of Ms. Ranaut, and I was blown away by her candour. The fact that she gave two hoots about diplomacy, and about the men in power in the hindi film industry,  shows how self-assured she is. She wasn't born into the industry, with a silver spoon; she entered the industry as an "outsider", who, despite being written off by the industry bigwigs, worked her way up the very competitive ladder, right to…

MOM - Film Review.

Starring: Sridevi, Akshaye Khanna, Nawazuddin Siddiqui.

Director: Ravi Udyawar

Music: A.R. Rahman.

Rating: 4/5


Because God couldn't be everywhere, He created Mother. A line from the movie, it could very well sum up the movie for you. Sridevi couldn't have chosen a better subject for her 300th film. I haven't been a diehard Sridevi fan, but her last film, English Vinglish, changed my opinion of her and that's the reason I simply wanted to see MOM, right on the day it released.

MOM is emotional; MOM is electrifying; MOM is hard-hitting; MOM is riveting, right till the end.  In short, MOM is Sridevi. This could very well be the review in a nutshell, but there's more I would love to talk about.

Devki Sabarwal (Sridevi) is a school teacher, the kind one can never mess with, whoever you may be. However, at home, she struggles to bond with her 18 year old step-daughter, Arya (Sajal Ali). The quiet acceptance and the sensitivity with which she accepts the cold vibes she r…